OK my first blog. I have been threatening myself for a while now saying I was going to start one. Convincing myself that I have something to say, just like everyone else. And if no one reads it, that is fine too. It is just out there in the atmosphere, like exhaling.
So being a middle-aged Mom that just moved once again, it’s a significant challenge to meet and keep new girlfriends. I don’t know what it is, but there is an inherent need to have girlfriends. Someone who knows what it’s like to deal with a husband, childbirth, periods, and being a mom.
I got lucky. I met someone at Blake’s soccer game, who had the same age kids as me, had just moved to our town like us, and was fun to be around. And so the cultivation of the friendship began. Starting with play dates for the kids, then progressing to going out and doing things together like going out for drinks, movies, shopping at Target. Then she organized a night out with “the girls” with her other new friend and I. We went to a Chinese restaurant and they had karaoke. We had a good time and all got along great. I was psyched because I was hoping I could now add another girlfriend to my arsenal.
But I must confess that there is a certain dynamic among women when there are 3 together. I have experienced this in many different forms since I was in grade school. There is an underlying struggle going on. Questions start racing through your mind; “does she like her more than me?”, “I don’t get that joke between them, what is that?”, “why do I have to sit in the backseat?”. Now it might seem silly or paranoid, but it is real. Women compete with each other not even realizing they are doing it.
Back to the story. I ask my girlfriend to go see a girl movie with me. She says sure. As I am relaying my excitement for getting out of the house to go see this girl movie, it is revealed, several days after the fact that she already saw the movie with the “other” friend. She tries to quickly diffuse the situation by saying “you were in Boston or something that night and I just had to go see it.” Silence on my end. The same thing happened on Mother’s Day. I am hurt, upset, angry, frustrated, and now trying to decide how to deal with those emotions. Do I forget it? Do I bring it up? Do I act standoffiish for a while? Life is hard enough and I just want my girlfriend relationships to be as un-drama filled as possible.
7 Comments
June 13, 2008 at 2:23 pm
I’d say, “let it ride, Mama”. You admit to feeling comfortable and friendly with the new women and relationship in your life, so, let it ride for the good thing that it is. I understand the feelings of hurt and frustration (believe me, I’ve been there) — nothing good can come of that. Enjoy the times you are together and don’t worry about the times you are not. Run with that excitement of “getting out of the house”, getting away, and letting your hair down. She won’t be your only friend, now, or in the times to come!
June 13, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Well, coming from a guy (take it as you will) I would simply ask her to be honest with you in the future. I’m certain you could have easily selected another movie to go see, as the reason was to spend time with another person and share an experience. Or, if the movie was that important to see, you could have gone by yourself.
June 13, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I understand what Clarence is saying about “let it ride.” But I also understand what you feel about the feeling-second-best thing. When I start to feel that way, I tend to back off–let her call you. Let her contact you about doing something. I have gotten sick over the years of “doing all the work myself.” I know how hard it is–believe me, of everyone, I understand.
June 13, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I say get over it and get over yourself! You’re getting your feelings hurt over an innocent movie snub/misunderstanding? Come on! Its obvious your ‘new friend’ wanted to spend some time with you or she wouldn’t have said yes to a movie she’s already seen. She could have easily said no or said she’s already seen the movie, let’s go see Ironman instead. If she really is a friend of yours, she probably reads your blog, just to check in and see what’s new in your life. If she’s read this post…I would say your ‘new friend’ is now an ‘old friend’.
June 14, 2008 at 12:50 am
I feel bad for you AMY. I LOVE YOU AND CARE ABOUT YOU unlike other people.
July 4, 2008 at 2:51 pm
hey kiddo. look at you blogging! and you teased me about my sportscar blog 3 years ago. isn’t it fun though? on that movie thing… you should try being a totally superficial person like me. i never think about anything too deeply. keeps me sane. HA!!! nice blog. i’ll be back.
December 23, 2008 at 3:13 am
Hi!!! new twitter friend. Hope you enjoy my blog as much as I enjoy yours. All the best, Veronica Dylan